Locked in
by Freyaat
Summary: Post war. Something happens to Squall which leaves him in a critical condition.. How might this change his life? How will the people around him react? SxS Warnings inside.
1. The oldest excuse

Locked In

Title: Locked in  
Author: Freyaat  
Rating: M  
Disclaimer: FFVIII doesn't belong to me but Square-Soft (Square-Enix) I just borrowed the characters...yada,yada,yada

Summary: Post war. Something happens to Squall which leaves him in a critical condition.. How might this change his life? How will the people around him react?

Warnings: POV, Yaoi, SxS, M/M, angst, language, self-injury mentioned(?),Rinoa bashing ahead!!!!

# # POV  
- - GF's

CHAPTER 1

The oldest excuse

#Squall#

Hyne, why can't they just leave me alone?

"What's wrong with you Squall?" Quistis. Always the nosy, over- protecting instructor.  
"I'm fine." Of course I'm not. My head is aching like someone is hitting me with a sledgehammer and this conversation will do nothing to relieve the pain.

"You look like hell. What happened out there Squall?"

I want to scream at her, tell her she should leave me alone, damn it. Of course I don't.

"Quistis! Listen, it was just a fight. I'm perfectly fine. Just tired, okay? So please let me finish work for today." How I hate this paperwork. 

"Fine, but if you need something give me a call, okay?" Sure I will. Like hell.

"Yeah, whatever." She looks everything but pleased but finally she starts walking towards the door, not without giving me her 'boy, you're a hopeless case' look. 

When the door closes I slump back in my high leather chair. Why the hell is my head hurting that much. Sure I'm used to migraines, comes with the "Commander of Balamb Garden package", but that's not funny anymore. Don't be such a sissy, Squall.

I try to concentrate on my work. The big pile of files on my desktop won't read them on their own. Nor will the letters from president Loire, my beloved father. Yeah, right.

Just when I am about reading through one of the letters the writing goes all blurry. I close my eyes to blink the blurriness away and try to focus my eyes on the scrawly handwriting of Laguna. It won't work. I sigh. Well, I don't like to admit it, but maybe I caught the tiniest bit of a concussion during the fight this afternoon. Not that I'm not used to rough fights with different kinds of beings but maybe I hit my head a little more, than I thought I had?

I am about to consider a trip to the infirmary to get something for my headache, when the door to my office fly's open. Without even looking up I know exactly who is interrupting my thoughts, even before I see her walking in. Hyne could this day get any worse.

"Hey. How is the sweetest of all boyfriends doing tonight?" I just give her a look. She doesn't seem to recognize the annoyance in it. How could she. She never really was able to look through my long practised façade. 

"Fine.'m just finishing here." That isn't even a lie. I won't be able to get this done today anyways.

"Great" she cheers. Had she always been that loud?  
"I thought we maybe could spend some time together, having dinner and..." She gives me that 'I know you can't resist me' look.  
No way. The least thing I want to do right now is anything, especially sex, with Rinoa.   
"Look, Rinoa, I'm not in the mood right now, okay?"   
She looks at me like I just told her to get out of my life forever. Maybe I should have. I sigh.  
"Listen I've a terrible headache and just want to go to sleep. Sorry."  
She chuckles. What the hell is so fucking funny about that statement?   
"Oh, come on Squally. That's the oldest excuse of the world. Just get your pretty little ass out of that chair and let me 'cure' your headache in our dorm."  
She winks at me. When I make no sign of getting up she walks towards my desk and just drags me out of my comfy chair.  
For a brief moment my vision goes black and I struggle to keep standing. Hyne, I'm dizzy as hell. She doesn't recognize this of course. She drags me along with her out of the office, through the already sleeping garden and towards our room.

I wonder how I managed to actually get there without tripping because of her speed and my dizziness. When we enter our room, yes OUR room, don't ask, I slump down on the bed, glad she doesn't care to switch on the lights. I am just about drifting off to sleep, when I feel her hand gliding down under my shirt. Not able to stop her at the moment I let her continue. She slowly gets on top of me and I feel her lips on mine. "mmp sst!" She gets away from me just for a moment. "What?" I try hard to fight my growing nausea down. "I said: Stop it! I'm not feeling well...!" The same moment, I toss her down from me and jump out of the bed, running towards the bathroom.

#Rinoa#

What the...? I don't even have time to react when Squall tosses me down on the bed and my body meets the wall. I watch him running out of the bedroom and in the direction of the bathroom and hear him throwing up heavily only a second after.

How can he DO something like that to me? I'm not THAT disgusting or something. I wait for him to stop puking and start apologizing, but of course he doesn't.  
Well it seems like it's up to me to fix that once again. With a sigh I get up from the bed and walk to our nicely decorated bathroom. Wich is of course my influence otherwise it would just look like every other SEED bathroom, horrible and cold.

When I switch on the lights Squall winces. He is leaning over the toilet, panting, doesn't even care to look up when I enter the room. So much for the apologize. 

"Squall, what's up with you? I thought you'd love me! You might not know that but puking when I start to kiss you is not really the right way to show this."  
In fact I really am a little angry. He still stares into the toilet, not showing any reaction.  
"May you be so kind and talk to me?"  
He's still ignoring me, how dare him.  
"Fine, do whatever you want. If you decide to talk to me again sometimes soon, you'll find me at Selphie's."

With that said I rush out of the apartment and make my way to the dorm Selphie lives with Irvine. How can Squall be so cold. I mean, sure he's called 'Shiva's lover' for a reason, but Hyne. I can't stop my tears from falling and crying and sniffing I arrive at my friend's room.

After the fifth time of knocking extra loud, a sleepy auburn haired cowboy opens the door, only dressed in his boxers. Hmm, nice. My tears momentarily forgotten I look at the lean body. Every muscle is designed beautifully with slightly tanned soft looking skin covering it.

"Yah want something special or just staring at me?"   
When I realize I actually WAS staring I feel my cheeks start to burn. I look up to meet his inquiring eyes.  
"Seeking asylum?" I say putting on my famous puppy glance.

He looks at me, brows furrowed, an unspoken question on his lips, when I hear footsteps behind him.  
"Hey Irvy, who is it?" a possibly much more sleepy Selphie asks.  
The moment she recognises me she pulls me into the apartment and onto the sofa, to sit right next to me. Before she even could ask I can't fight the tears welling up again. She just holds and comforts me. At least one person who understands what I'm feeling.  
"Squall dumped me" is the only thing I manage to stammer.  
I see her jaw drop.  
"WHAT? How could he? Are you sure, Riny? Maybe it's just a terrible misunderstanding. Tell me what happened!"

So I tell her. I tell her how he didn't want to have sex with me, using an ancient excuse to avoid it. How he was reacting to my kiss and how he was completely rejecting me at last.

When I'm finished she looks at me unbelieving. Irvine, who was standing at the near dining table, shoots Selphie a questioning look. I'm confused a little, what's that supposed to mean? He walks to the neighbouring room and I can hear him talk to someone, probably on the phone.  
Selphie just gives me a baffling look and shakes her head slightly. I raise my eyebrow, asking 'what', without vocalizing it.  
"Did you ever consider that he might be really sick, Riny?" Now it's my jaw that drops. She doesn't really mean that, does she? I thought she would understand me. I feel the anger starting to grow again.

"So, you're on HIS side now?" She shakes her head. "No, I mean yes, I..." She sighs." Rinoa, look I'm on no ones side, but that sounds serious. He might be really sick or something. It's not like Squall to ignore you, even if he's busy or something."   
The concern in her eyes makes me thing about the whole situation again. Maybe she's right, maybe it wasn't because of me. Before I get the chance to answer Irvine reappears in the spacious living room. Meantime fully dressed, including cowboy hat.  
"She's on the way checking on him. I'll meet her there." With that he exits the dorm.

#Quistis#

I got Irvine's call about five minutes ago. He told me Rinoa is with them and crying her eyes out 'cause Squall is sick or something. This made me shoot out of bed, knowing that he looked everything but healthy earlier that evening. I got dressed in a hurry. At the moment I'm still running towards the Commanders dorm.

I hope instantly Rinoa was overdoing like she always does. But damn, Squall knows exactly how to fool us when he is in pain and not feeling well.  
Finally I arrive at the doorway to Squall's apartment and quickly type in the key code. Thank Hyne he gave me the new code just a few days before.

I rush into the room and find him in the bathroom, curled up in a fetal position and apparently unconscious. When I reach out to touch his thin wrist I feel a faint pulse but his breath comes out in irregular gasps. I get my cell, not taking my eyes off my young Commander, to call the emergency.

Doc Kadowaki might be a great general practitioner but this one seems to be deadly serious. Irvine arrives a few minutes after me and I tell him to get sure the emergency people get here without being delayed.

It seems like an eternity until they finally arrive. I watch them attaching Squall to all kind of monitoring and applying oxygen via a facial mask. They seem to know exactly what they are doing and that calms me a little. One of the men open his eyelids, to check on the pupils I guess, and I can see the alarming look the paramedic gives his colleague.

I feel like trapped in a horrible dream unable to wake up. When a paramedic asks if someone likes to accompany them on their way to hospital I just nod.

Everything happens really fast. They put Squalls limp form on a stretcher and carry him through the corridors of the still quiet Garden. Arriving at the ambulance car they put him in and suggest me to follow them.  
"I'll get the others together. We'll meet you there." I nod towards Irvine just before the doors of the car are closed.

It seems to take forever to get to the hospital though it don't even takes us ten minutes. I observe every movement of the paramedics. They constantly check on the little beeping monitor and on Squalls pupils. What's that supposed to mean? I look at the delicate face of my young commander. He looks paler than I ever saw him before, the chocolate brown strands of his hair wrap messily around his expressive face. His usually storm grey eyes are closed and still his breathing seems to be unsteady.

The fast and loud beeping of the monitor makes me jump.  
"Bradycardia" one of the paramedic shouts "Heart rate at 36, blood pressure 89/46, trend falling." Of course I'm not able to work out exactly what that means, but I can say from the worries expressions on their faces, it's nothing good. 

"Step on it, Ben! We'll loose him!" The paramedic shouts towards the ambulance driver.  
"Miss, please sit tight and hold on." He commands in my direction. I do as ordered, not taking my eyes off Squall and the little beeping monitor. His heart beats really slowly, even I can tell that. Oh Hyne. I cover my face in my hands and try to fight back the tears. "Please" I silently pray to Hyne" hang on Squall. Please don't die!"

TBC...

Authors note: So what do you think????? This is a thing spinning around in my head for quite a long time. It's my first English fanfic, so don't flame me if it's full of mistakes or just complete bullsh..t. Maybe I'll get a beta. volunteers -?


	2. Will you be there?

CHAPTER 2

Will you be there?

# Seifer #

Annoyed I zap through several TV channels. Triple Triad championship, boring, soap opera, boring, talk show,  
nauseating, soccer, Galbadia vs. Esthar, dull.  
"BORED!" Fujin gets up when I reach a news channel and starts walking around in the small living room.  
"Yeah!" If it won't stop raining soon I will go mad. FH is a beautiful little town, but with bad weather it's just like the TV program, boring.

I glance briefly to Hyperion resting in her case. Not even training will be possible. I might be wet to my bones within seconds. On the other hand, who cares? I jump off the couch and reach for Hyperion, not without achieving a questioning look from Fujin, and am about walking out of the tiny house, when something in the news catches my attention.  
"... 're informed that a terrible event has taken place at Balamb Garden. Obviously the hero of the second sorceress war, now Commander of Balamb Garden, Squall Leonhart, has been injured perilous during a fight yesterday. According to the medical staff he is in critical condition and it's not yet clarified what causes his current state. As soon as there will be a change in the young commander's state of health we will further inform..."

A clattering noise gets my attention back to the world. I didn't even realize loosening my grip around Hyperion's hilt until it felt on the floor. Fujin looks at me sceptical. I don't care. Can this really be true? No, no I must have fallen asleep or something. Yeah, exactly. May someone wake me up now, please! This has to be a bad joke, right? Hyne it's impossible. Leonhart? Dying? No way, I mean he is...

"HUMAN," Fujin declares, reading my thoughts easily. Fuck. She's right. If this is a joke someone's gonna pay. Because, you know, THAT'S NOT FUNNY. Not that I care about the ice princess much but... Yeah right. Who am I fooling here? Of course I care, always have.

Ever since I first met him at the orphanage. The small boy crying in the rain about the loss of his sis for days. Nobody could touch him when he was like this. Me the only person he was responding to. More out of annoying but anyways. Well, I guess I always had a soft spot for the little fucker. Don't get me wrong here I'm not gay or anything, far from it but Leonhart always has been a special case. Even under the spell of Ultimecia I was unable to harm him.

This thoughts running through my brain I don't even realise Fuujin and Raijin staring at me.  
"GO!" Fuujin simply says.  
I takes a few seconds for my brain to work out the meaning of the simple spoken word.  
"What? What do you mean 'go'?" The only answer I get from the red eyed woman is a look that means 'Don't think I'm stupid, you know exactly what I mean'. Hyne.  
"Are you insane woman? Why would I want to go to Balamb and see Leonhart , of all people??"  
"Yeah, why would he want to do that , you know?" The large man seated on an nearby chair comments.  
Fu ignores him and keeps her eye on me, smiling. That really, really creeps me out. Hey don't give me that look. Did YOU ever saw her smile? See!  
I get the meaning though.

"Hell, Fu. Do you really think they want ME there, of all people. Do you think I just can go there and say 'Hi, I think you remember me, I'm the man who wanted to kill you. Just stopping by to say hi to young Leonhart'? I don't fucking think so!"  
Fu isn't very impressed by my outburst and doesn't stop that scary smile of her's.  
"Shit...they are going to kill me on first sight...HELL!" Nevertheless I find myself stuffing my few belongings into the olive duffle bag.

"Next Stop, Balamb!" a mechanic voice reveals. FINALLY! I exit the train in a hurry and start walking through town. At last I see my destination clear in front of me. Why the fuck do I still have the feeling that this is not one of my best ideas? A bad idea actually. Really, really bad.

Standing in front of the huge hospital I can't get rid of the frightening feeling in my guts. "Damn. I'm a fucking sorceress knight, THE sorceress knight. Let's get this over with Almasy," I murmur to myself. With a last strengthening breath I enter the building, not paying any attention to the security guard at the entrance. He seems to recognize me though because only seconds after I passed the bully man a strong grip around my shoulder makes me stop.  
"So, Mister Almasy. Where do you think you're going?" he says with a dense grin on his face.  
"Go, fuck yourself." I try to struggle out of his grip, but he wont let go. One hand reflexively grabbing the hilt of Hyperion I glare at the guard. Fuck, I have to calm down. It won't help if I get myself into trouble. I sigh.  
" 'm going to go for a formal call to the ice princess."  
He looks at me puzzled. How dense can that man be?  
"Leonhart," I declare rolling my eyes.  
"You've got no permission to get through to the Commander I'm afraid." He seems to shrink a little under the glare I give him. Hey, I learned from the best.  
"So get me a fucking permission!" I tell him with an icy voice.  
"I'm not allowed to provide permissions."  
"Then get someone who IS" I shout.  
He nods slightly and points towards a chair expecting me to sit down. I don't. The guard gets a cell phone out of his pocket and dials a number. He's speaking low, but I can hear him anyhow.  
"Sir, here's Tucker, entrance hall... We've got a situation here. Seifer Almasy calls for a permission to visit Commander Leonhart. ...Yes... Yes Sir I'm sure. Seifer Almasy... Yes Sir." He switches his phone of.  
"Wait here," he directs towards me.  
After waiting for what seems to be an eternity, but might as well only be a few minutes, the elevator door in front of me opens.  
Oh fuck its bad. I can see it on their expressions. Kinneas looks like his favourite cowboy hat had been trampled down by a horde of barbarous chocobos and Trepe looks even worse, like she was crying a long time. Trepe crying? Hell.

"Seifer..."her voice is cracking and she takes a deep breath before she's able to continue "What do you want?"  
"Where is he? What happened?" I glare at her. My always low amount of patience is running out entirely.  
"That's nothing of your business," the auburn haired cowboy says.  
"Like hell it is. Tell me WHAT HAPPENED!" I get a grip on his collar and drag him towards the next wall.  
"Seifer..." The woman starts again "we don't know exactly...he must have got hurt during a fight."  
"Yeah, that much I already know," I shout out, still holding the cowboy in place.  
"He has a head trauma..."she tries to fight back her tears, useless."... he is in a coma Seifer...and...possibly brain dead. They're still making tests, but... it's bad." I drop the cowboy. No way. NO FUCKING WAY. That's not happening.

My stomach heaves and I run out of the hospital, collapsing on the front lawn throwing up violently. When the convulsing finally I gasp for breath. I don't know why this news affect me that much. May it be... NO, NONONONONO I don't have feelings for him, I don't...yeah, sure. Pull yourself together Almasy.  
When I look up I see Quistis standing in front of me, looking curious.  
"What?" I manage to say. She just shakes her head and indicates me to follow her. Back inside she holds out her hand like expecting me to give her something. When I look at her curious she points at Hyperion. "No way," I declare.  
"Seifer. There's no way in hell you take that thing with you. When you want to see him, hand over the blade." I sigh but detach it from my belt.  
"If something happens to it, I swear..." She takes the blade and says "We'll take care of it." After putting Hyperion away we enter the elevator together with Kinneas. He pushes at the button with the 13 on it and a slightly humming sound indicates we are actually moving upwards. Nobody says something. Possibly brain dead, Hyne.

When we exit the elevator I instantly see the group of young people standing together in front of what seems to be the entrance to the Intensive Care Unit. Four pairs of eyes are watching us walking towards the little group. Everyone is there. Tilmitt, chicken-wuss, president Loire and of course Queen Rinoa. They look at me like I just grew a second head.  
"What? 's my hair gone green suddenly or something?" Well, actually I can't blame them. After all I was the guy who wanted them dead. But damn, I had been under the spell of a sorceress, kids. They finally look away, obviously not wanting to waste their time with questions at the moment. Fine, suits me. Or maybe just silently understanding? Yeah, whatever. Hyne, I sound like HIM by now.  
"Let me see him" I say to Quistis, only loud enough for her to hear. She slightly shakes her head. "We're not allowed to disturb at the moment, they said he needs rest."  
"Hyne, Trepe. I won't disturb them, okay..." I shout out, lowering my voice again I say "If he's going to die I want to be there...with him." Quistis looks at me like I just told her I explored the Himalaya barefoot. "What...?" I form the words with my lips but don't vocalize them. Yeah, I like him, so? Hell, I don't want him to die and without fail not alone.  
"Okay..." my former instructor whispers, barely audible. She points at the door opener and when I'm reaching out to push it the voice of the blond martial artist catches my ear "Hey, what do you think you're doing..."  
Before I get the chance to answerer Quistis says "Zell! Drop it. He has the same right to see Squall, like anyone of us."  
Wow. I never thought I would live trough the day Trepe stands up for me. Somehow it's not THAT satisfying at the moment though. When the tattooed boy backs off, pissed but not arguing, I push the button and enter the ICU followed by Quistis. So far, so bad.  
A nurse gives us a suspicious look and puts out "Miss Trepe, I already told you, the Commander needs rest, and additionally we are doing a lot of test at the moment, so please wait outsi..."  
I cut her off. "No! I need to see him, now! I will be nearly invisible, come on..." I try to force a charming smile on my lips. Apparently it worked, at least a little. She looks at me seeming to consider what to say.  
"Are you related?" she asks finally.  
"No" I admit "... he is..." thinking of a good answer I add "...my boyfriend." Of course that's not true and Leonhart would kill me on the spot if he ever heard that, but what was I supposed to say. Trepe's jaw drops and she's about to say something, but when I look at her warningly she just nods.  
I'm led in a white, sterile looking single bedroom and the nurse leaves with an "I'll give you ten minutes". I nod.

When my eyes fall on the lithe figure in the large bed I once again feel like trapped in a dream. A bad one. Squall's small body is attached to different kinds of cables, IV's and Hyne knows what this other things are good for. In his mouth is some kind of tube, attached to a large machine, to guarantee his breathing I presume. His delicate hands rest on top of light blue covers. Chocolate coloured strands falling messily in his face and beautiful blue-grey eyes are hidden behind heavy eyelids. He's paler and thinner than I ever saw him before and looks small and vulnerable. Obviously his job as Commander is more exhausting then you might think.  
I slowly run my hand over the scar on his forehead. My equal. I just stand there, unable to speak, striking the soft brown hair out of his beautiful face. Possibly brain dead. No. I'm not willing to believe that. He looks peaceful in a strange way, just like he is only asleep. Possibly brain dead... The sentence spins through my head in an endless loop.

I don't know how long I was standing there, just looking at him but I'm quite sure it hadn't been ten minutes. I jump a little when a soft female voice says "I'm sorry, but we have to work here now, so please say good bye for the moment!" I nod silently. Once again I look at the pale form in the hospital bed. It's hard to leave him like this. There's so much I want to say, so much I want him to know, but at the moment there's nothing I can do but follow the nurses request. With the nurse watching me, I lean close to his right ear and whisper "Hey, Leonhart, don't give up on me now, you hear me? You still owe me one, remember? Just stay alive,...please." With that I turn my back on him and leave the room.

# Squall #

- Come here little lion, come to me-

"It's dark. I can't see you. Where are you?" And who are you I like to add but don't.

-You will find me, just go on-

Hyne, how am I supposed to find you, whatever you are? It's too damn dark, I can't see anything. Go on you said. Am I going? I don't know. I can't feel anything under my feet. Actually I can't even feel my feet.  
"Keep talking, so I can follow your voice!" I request.

-That's not necessary. You will find me-

That's great. I'm blind and cold and don't know where I actually am, AND I try to find someone I don't even know. How should I know it's not dangerous?

-Don't be afraid child. I will not harm you-

What's that now? Can you read my thoughts? Great. Well I think I have no choice, so I keep doing what I did, though I don't exactly know what it is. I'm confused.  
After long time of silence I can feel something close to me. Something cold and huge. May it be...? No, that's not possible.  
"Shiva ?"

-I'm here child-

Feeling her cold arms close around me I feel strangely safe. Never before did she speak to me. Not even when I begged her. What happened?  
"Where are we?" She keeps holding me in her strong embrace and starts to rock our bodies back and forth.

-In your mind-

Her voice is strong and soft at the same time. I feel better now, but I'm still confused. What's  
that supposed to mean?  
"In my mind?" I ask.

-Yes, child. Deep in your mind-

"How did we get there? I mean I know it's possible for ME to be my mind, because it's mine and I presume you're always here when you're junctioned but how..." Arg that's fucking confusing.  
"Okay. WHY are we here? What happened? "

-You are hurt little lion. Your body is still alive, but fading. That's why I am here-

"Hurt? You mean I'm dying or something?"

-Yes-

Hyne. I try to remember what happened but the memories are blurred. Is it really possible that my body is dying? I mean, Hello. I'm not in pain or something, cold maybe but otherwise I'm perfectly fine. Not even my head is aching anymore. My head...a faint memory of me having the strongest headache ever reaches my mind.  
"I hurt my head?"

-You did-

I remember. Those fight the other day when I tried to protect Rinoa and fell hard on my back, hitting my head. The headache I had afterwards. The incident with Rinoa in our bedroom. I shudder.  
"I remember."  
She strokes my hair and hums silently.  
"What am I supposed to do?"

-You have to make a choice-

"What choice?" I ask, not sure I want to know the answer.

-Whether you want fight and live even if it's painful, or to die peaceful without pain-

"What do you mean?" Of course I want to live. What choice is that?

-As I said, you are hurt deeply little lion not only physical. It will be hard and painful to keep on living -

That makes me think. Not only physical? I'm used to pain, physical pain. I am also used to other things, like being left...even if that hurts more than anything else. Is that what she meant? Will I be alone if I choose to live? I don't want to be alone. I always was alone and I hate it.  
"Will you be there?"

-That depends, child-

"On what?"

-It depends on you're choice-

Huh? So what? When I choose to live she will leave me and when I choose to die she will be there, or the other way around? I've got a feeling she won't tell me. It doesn't hurt to try though.  
"So if I live you will be there?"

-I can not tell you now my child-

Great. Well, what's the worst possible case? I live and all of my so called friends, including Shiva, leave me during recovery...Or I die alone. No, no, no. I don't wanna die alone. Panic rises in me. I don't wanna die. I hear her humming again and it calms me a little.

-Did you make you're choice-

"Yes..." I'd rather be alive without anyone else, than die alone, right? Will I?  
"No...I don't know."

-Time is running out child, you have to decide-

I sigh. What kind of choice is that anyway?

-Lion, you have to chose -

Her voice is urging.  
What am I supposed to do? I don't know. How can I choose between the two things I'm afraid of the most? What's the lesser of the two evils? I don't know, HYNE, I don't know...

-Child, give me you're answer, NOW-

I feel something haul on me, pulling me away form her. Her cold body leaving quickly, though I want to hold on, keep her with me. She drifts away even more, or me I can't tell. Tears running down my cheeks. Don't want to be alone...

"I WANT TO LIVE" I scream "I want to live...live..."

TBC

Author's note: So, here it is. Chapter two. I know it took like forever but blame Seifer. He refused to act like I wanted him to. And even now I'm not entirely satisfied with him, but yeah.sigh And, YES I know it's a terrible cliffhanger but Ch. 3 will be up soon, promise!!! So tell me if you like it, hate it and if it's worth continueing (? this spelling looks kinda strange...whatever) :)


	3. Family

_CHAPTER 3_

Family

  
# Quistis #

I wait for Seifer outside the small room Squall currently occupies. For a long time the older gunblader just looks at Squall. Then slowly, gently Seifer strokes his hair as to calm him and make him comfortable.

I wonder why Seifer showed up. No. In fact I wonder why he showed up that quickly and why he seems to be really concerned. I never saw Seifer like that. Really worried and caring for someone else but himself. On the other hand nobody else ever was closer to Squall than Seifer, even if it was rivalry what's connecting them. Because, you know, it was rivalry, right? Right!

When the guard told me Seifer was here my first reaction of course was to tell him to leave, but when I saw his reaction to Squall's life threatening condition, I wasn't able to send him away. Hyne, we know each other for like...well forever. He has the same right to be here that anybody else of the gang has. Still, something seems odd.

I watch him caressing Squall in a way I never thought Seifer would be able to. A strong suspicion enters my mind, but I don't get the chance to spin it further, because the nurse, Sue I remind myself, is entering the sickroom. She talks to Seifer quietly, so I can't understand her, but I presume it's time for us to leave. Seifer nods. Then he leans forward near to Squalls face. For a moment it seems like he was kissing him, but then I can hear his low, deep voice whispering something in the Commander's ear. Then he leaves.

"See something you like Trepe?" he asks when he sees me watching him.

I just shrug.

"Let's go!" I tell him.

He follows without protest. Just when we reach the exit an alarming cry for help makes us stop.

"I need help in room 4. Hey, guys I need someone here!"

That was Sue, the nurse, no doubt. Seifer seems to realise that too. He turns on his heels and starts running back to Squall's room. I follow him, of course. When we reach our destination we see five people working skilled around and on top of Squall. I get only snatches of the conversation inside the room, but what I hear makes me gasp.

"... cardiac arrest, starting CPR..."

It seems like Seifer wants to enter the room. I grab him at his sleeve.

"Don't. Let them do their work..."

"...still no pulse. Atropine, NOW. Go on with the cardiac massage..."

We watch the medical staff fighting desperately for Squalls live. Tears running down my cheeks, but I don't care.

After an eternity a quiet beeping of the monitor indicates a slow but regular pulse. It's too much. When my legs give away I try to prepare myself for the impact of meeting the hard floor, but it never happened. I break down in Seifer's arms crying without holding back anymore.

When I have the heart to look into Squalls room again, I see most of the doctors and nurses leaving but Sue. She types something in some kind of computer and before she also leaves the room she runs her hand over Squalls cheek. "It's okay..." she tells him.

That makes me feel better in some way. To know there is someone who cares for Squall as a person not only a medical problem.

Seifer, still holding me, seems to have a similar line of thoughts, cause on his face I see a faint smile. I sigh and don't protest when he drags me with him towards the exit. Squall seems to be okay for the moment and there's nothing more we can do for him right now but to wait for the test results and hope he stays as stubborn as ever to stay alive.

The next few hours pass without any word from the doctors or nurses. Our little group is sitting together in the lounge waiting more or less patiently.

I guess I fell asleep at some point, 'cause when I open my eyes again a young woman dressed in the dark blue clothes of the ICU stands in the middle of our group.

"Hello everyone, " she starts with a serious voice "I'm Dr. Price the attending physician of Commander Leonhart. I know you all are concerned but I'm only allowed to provide information to direct relatives."

Everyone's eyes focus on Laguna. When he realises he says "I'm his father."

Dr. Price nods and attempts to escort Laguna out of the lounge, when he hastily says

"But these people are his family. They have the right to know everything."

For a moment everyone stares at Laguna open mouthed. I never had thought he would characterise us as family. For a brief moment I want to hug him but I only look him in the eyes, thankfully.

"Well, that's your decision, Mr..."

"Loire!"

PRESIDENT Loire I think, but neither Laguna nor me correct her.

"Mr. Loire. The situation is pretty serious but I presume you know that already. With our tests finished now there are good news and bad news..."

Everyone looks at the young physician, not daring to ask questions.

"At the moment we can definitely say that Mr. Leonhart's brain stem is damaged but working."

When she sees the questioning looks on our faces she adds "He's not brain dead. "

A wave of relive washes over all of us. I can tell that by their reactions. Zell grinning stupidly, Selphie hugging Irvine so close he can't even breathe but still smiling. Laguna, Rinoa and Seifer, wearing an unreadable expression on their faces.

"But..." Dr. Price continues "...the other parts of his brain and his spinal cord are also affected, more ore less severe."

Again we look at her, not understanding.

"Of course it's too early to say anything certain, but it's possible he is in a, what we like to call it, persistent vegetative state... It's not sure he ever regains consciousness again and even if he wakes up eventually he might be paralysed ... completely...permanently."

Nobody of us is able to speak.

"At the moment his condition is stable, but he might be a nursing case for the rest of his life. I'm sorry..."

For a long time nobody of us is able to speak because of the shock. In the end Selphie is the first one to recover.

"So, what are we supposed to do now? How can we help?" she points out.

"Well, there's not much you can do for him at the moment but to wait...but...it might help us to decide on his further treatment if we know what caused the injury in the first place. As far as we know it must have been some pretty hard hit on the head or the back to cause the current condition. So if someone of you knows something, don't hesitate to tell the medical staff."

I notice the slightly guilty look on Rinoa's face but decide to keep quiet for the moment. Note to self: 'ask Rinoa about today'.

# Seifer #

We were told to get a little rest, considering it's about 11 p.m., and check on Leonhart the next day. Hyne, do they really thing someone of us is able to sleep now? When the rest of the gang agrees I want to protest, but Trepe shoots me a look to remain silent. So I close my mouth but swear to myself not leaving the stubborn lion alone right now.

One after another we exit the lounge silently me leaving last. But when the others walk for the elevator I turn around heading for the door opener again. Just when I stretch my hand to push the button I feel someone standing behind me. Trepe, of course. I turn around to argue, but the expression on her face makes me swallow the words of protest. She just looks at me for a long time and finally she speaks.

"I'll be here around eight to take turns with you, alright?"

I never expected that statement coming out of her mouth and it takes me a moment to realise that she doesn't try to stop me. So I nod.

"Seifer, I just wondered what..." When she doesn't continue I lift my eyebrow.

"Never mind." She takes a last look at me, then turns on her heels and follows her friends.

I wonder what makes her act like that. Why does Trepe trust me of all people to watch over Leonhart? I can't figure it out right now. On the other hand I'm not the brooding kind of men, so I drop that line of thoughts and push the button to enter the ICU the second time this day.

Nothing happens. What the fuck. I try again but the door remains closed. Well, seems like they lock the door during the night but I wont give up that easily. So I knock and wait. Knock again and wait.

"For Hynes sake open the fucking door you stup..." I don't get the chance to finish my sentence. Suddenly the door opens and an annoyed looking elderly women, a nurse I presume, eyes me suspiciously.

"We have strict visiting hours and they are long over young man. Our patients need rest so I would ask you to leave right now and come back tomorrow afternoon."

For the moment I am dumbstruck. The nurse of course uses this brief moment to shut the door into my face and leaves me standing outside again. What the fuck does she think she's doing? Nobody has the right to talk to me like that. Does she even know who I am? Sorceress knight, remember? Well, actually Ex-Sorceress Knight but...whatever. Seifer Almasy is not thrown out anywhere and I'm sure as hell not waiting till tomorrow afternoon to see Leonhart. So I knock, again.

Immediately it opens and the nurse starts to lecture me AGAIN.

"What do you try to accomplish here. I'm not gonna let you in so..."

I cut her off.

"I TRY to get to Leonhart cause I don't want him to be here ALONE and I sure as hell won't let YOU stop me!"

I try to push past her when the voice of another woman reaches us.

"What's going on Helen? What's all that noise?"

The young nurse I saw earlier that day walks around the corner to check on her co-worker.

"This young man refuses to leave..." Helen tells the other women and talking to me "If you are not cooperating I'm forced to call up the security."

"You may try!" I say with one of my typical smirks and try to get in once more.

"Hey... HEY GUYS! Calm down," the young nurse says. "Helen, let me handle this, okay. I think Sam needs you in room two!"

Without saying another word but throwing daggers at me with her eyes the older woman leaves us.

Taking a deep breath the young nurse says "Look Mr..."

"Almasy...Seifer!" I fill in. If she recognizes my name she doesn't show it.

"Mr. Almasy. I know you are worried about Mr. Leonhart but at the moment there's nothing you can do for him but let him get some rest."

"Listen," I answer "I'm not going to disturb him, or you doing your work. I know you take care of him and I'm sure you are doing everything you can, but I don't want him to be alone right now " and quietly enough for her not to hear I add "...his greatest fear is to be left ... alone..."

She looks at me for a long moment, then she nods "I understand!"

She seems to be thinking over the whole situation, and then she states "Okay. I'm gonna let you in BUT I want you to be quiet and not agitate him. Also I expect you to listen to the staffs directions whenever it's necessary. Understand?"

I nod.

"Good," she says and with that I'm allowed to enter the ICU.

The young nurse, Sue as I discover later, leads me once again into Leonhart's single room.

The "little lion"... I never found out why they call him "little". Lean, muscular, fragile, beautiful...perfect okay but "little"? However. He looks exactly the same like earlier that evening. Pale and thin, with closed eyes and different kinds of things attached to his lithe body. His delicate hands resting on top of the light blue sheets.

For the first time I realise that I've never seen him without his black leather gloves in ages. At least I don't remember.

Gently I touch his right hand, let my finger caress the tender skin. I never thought his hands would be so soft, fighting with the blade and things. For a moment I get a weird prickling feeling in my stomach. Hyne, Seifer put yourself together, that's SO not the right moment to have romantic feelings.

I draw back my hand but lean down to his face and whisper in his ear "Hey, Leonhart. I don't care what they say, I know you can hear me and I know it annoys the hell out of you but let me tell you one thing, I'm not going to leave until you open that damn grey eyes of you and tell me to."

Of course he shows no reaction, I knew he wouldn't but deep inside I'm a bit disappointed. Well, it'll take time but I know he won't give up, stubborn "little" lion. So I make myself comfortable on a nearby chair and prepare myself for a long night.

# Rinoa #

Quistis knows something. I can tell it from the looks she gives me the whole drive back to Garden. How can she know?? I'm sure Squall didn't talk to her, so why is she able to...Hyne. What did I do to arouse suspicion? Am I that obvious? Must be. Don't look suspicious, don't look susp...

"Rinoa!" Shit.

"Hnn..?" Just look innocent, just look...

"Care to spend a little time in my dorm? I guess we have to talk!" I nod and follow her into her quarters. It's useless to disagree I guess. But, I can't tell her. Everybody will hate me. I can't...

"Rinoa!"

I give her my most innocent look. It doesn't work. Damn.

"Tell me what happened!"

"I don't know, really." She frowns. Must have been in Squall's company a lot lately? That thought makes me grin.

"Don't play dumb on me now, Rinoa! I know something happened and I also know you have something to do with it, so quit grinning and TALK!"

Oh yeah, now I'm scared Miss Head Instructor. I suppress another grin.

"It was an accident. It's not my fault."

Hey, I'm not even lying here. It had been an accident.

"Spit it out already."

Why is she so angry with me? She acts like I had hit Squall on the head myself. Which is so not true. It HAD been an accident. Really. Well, I guess it's pointless to deny that I know what happened.

Once again I look in Quistis' eyes. Taking a deep breath I prepare myself to tell her everything.

TBC...

Author's note: Well, yeah I admit it took longer than I wanted it to but finally, here is Chapter 3. So what could it be bad, bad Rinoa did? Any guesses? You will find out, promised. Also you will get a little bit more insight on Squall's "real" condition. Though I don't make any promises WHEN Chapter 4 will be up. Sadly work is keeping me pretty busy. Until then, enjoy...


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